Days After
Its like it hasn't happened at all. Moments, perhaps hours occupied by the process of doing something.....the practice of occupying yourself with distractions. You become numb.... wondering what the purpose left is for you.
Like the day beginning and ending, there is a story that must unfold in between. We have to figure out what that is.
Like this flower, it is the first bloom for the new season. It does not know it is the first, nor cares. It just is, it cannot be what it isn't. It just is. It is there for those who want to see, to discern the present moment and the change into the future moment.
Like the flower we want to bloom, to admire our new self, and our beauty. We have roots of the past, of what we were, what we wanted to be, what we have become, what is left to become. If only we can understand, and like the flower, be who we really are.
In Between
It is surreal from so vivid a past event to a now present presence. Every day is a chore to remember, to cry, to wonder and to believe what you would not have believed-- what was real, what was not there, what did you not bother having said, what chance for knowing, loving more, connecting did you give up for time, as was the habit of this world?
The Path
Once the path was very exciting, it is full of surprise, and mystery. That's because at that time it is your path, undiscovered by any others, and today you are on that path....and relish in the adventure.
Later, you find it is really not you path, it is everyone's path...for which they walk, run, and fulfill their moments, just like yours.
How can that be....it had to be my path, my passion, my discovery...my days of connecting with all that is here.
I would share, yet I can't understand sharing in light of my need for myself to be alone, comforted by its presence.
Passing
It's supposed to go away. What is the time to pass...from pain, to anger, to grief, to numbness, to just being, to ok? What are the days to be composed of....outbreaks of tears, memories, triggers? Where is the beginning and ending? It is whats between that is the promise...this day or that, this person or that, this scene or that....all that can be recognized as something good, something deep felt, something called happy or at least comfortable.....something to hold on to.
Time
Everything is tied to time, like it or not. Time is related to the days and nights, to how many hours you work, to what you earn. It is someones measure of something to measure rewards and punishments, to mark the crops coming and passing. We have only so much time for us, so much time to be whatever we are, to be so much good or bad, to be better or worse....to worry we are or are not doing what we should be.
Perhaps time should be measured not in the final result, but how we got there. Did we have fun, do good, enjoy the time we had?
We cannot rewind time, we cannot put it on hold, we cannot have forethougt, or past thought, time does not care whether we are on a schedule or not, time just is a measure, and keeps on going in spite or ourselves.
So why not enjoy it, realize it matters not that others threaten it, but only what you do with it?